Field of dreams

  I love baseball. And I’m blessed to have a buddy who always scores tickets to Opening Day at Fenway. But I was chatting with another friend the other day about how we hardly ever watch baseball on TV anymore. Most fans have heard about recent efforts to speed up the pace of games. Because apparently there are those who say the hallowed National Pastime is boring. Anyway, the conversation with my friend spun into this satirical item about the (beleaguered?) Big Leagues. What do you think? Is baseball boring or boffo? Is diamond action dull or dynamite? Share — John Breneman...

Kardashian drug ad

This all started when the following thought popped into my head: Gender Nonspecific Penile Disassociative Syndrome is the new erectile dysfunction. This, of course, led to creating a whole bunch of sexual disorders and maladies — and inventing a miracle drug to cure them (with a long list of ridiculous side effects, of course). Naturally, Kim Kardashian wanted on board immediately. — John Breneman Tweet...

Baby’s 1st pitbull...

Can’t figure out what to get for the birthday baby who has everything? Just imagine the joy on Baby’s tiny face when he lays his baby blues on … Baby’s First Pitbull. What better fuzzy companion could there be — for the modern toddler on the go — than a vicious domesticated killing machine with a skull-crushing jaw and razor-sharp fangs? With his hair-trigger temper, Baby’s First Pitbull enhances Baby’s street reputation as an infant not to messed with. Plus, Baby’s cuddly, bloodthirsty new pal will help keep him or her safe from external threats.* * Chance of death by mauling just 14 percent. — John...

50 Scent

Imagine the dangerous aroma of a freshly fired 9 milimeter semiautomatic handgun. Blend in the rich, bling-tastic bouquet of a burlap sack stuffed with $100 bills. Now add an audaciously naughty whiff of skanky ghetto gold-digger. Introducing 50 Scent — a gangsta-licious new fragrance created by platinum-toothed rap mogul 50 Cent. Just dab some on your neck, behind your ear and all up in your junk to drive the ladies wild. Or slather some upside those unsightly drive-by scars to make old wounds sizzle with brutish sensuality. 50 Scent: Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: 50 Dollar *   *   * Tweet Share 50 Cent on Twitter John Breneman on...

Vampire Movie Marathon

Share This week’s special Vampire Movie Marathon features “Rebel Without a Coffin,” “Silver Bullets over Broadway” and “Chitty Chitty Fang Fang.” Also “Barnabas of Arabia,” “Vein Man,” “Transylvanian Graffiti” and much more. — John Breneman I also like pretend films about the war on terror, such as: “Sleeping With the Yemeni” “Martyr on the Orient Express” “Allah Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” “Last Tango in Pakistan” “Al Qaeda on the Western Front” “Drone Flew Over the Cuckoo’s...